RE: RE: FROM YOUR NEW FRIENDS AT BMAIL newfriends@Bmail.com 0823 Thursday (5 hours ago)
We at the Bmail Annex have decided to give you another chance to save your marriage and precious “family.” We have, in fact, gone to great trouble to devise another way for you to help us.
You will receive a package in the surface mail in the next day or two. It contains a small, biometrically-activated infrared laser designator of our design that we are going to ask–suggest, really–you employ as directed.
It’s easy. Activate the device biometrically. Any DNA sample from you–and only you–will do. Remember? You sent in a sample to check your ancestry? That was a big mistake by you, because you sent it to us, actually, at the Annex. And you are Maltese-Tyrio-Libyphoenician-Ethiop, by the way. Just kidding. You’re Irish.
Now, have you activated the device? Yes? HA!
IMPORTANT! DO NOT LET GO OF THE DEVICE!
DEVICE WILL SIGNAL FOR XS-29A DRONE STRIKE IF LET GO!
Next, holding the activated laser device firmly, we want you to don the PVS-14 nightvision device our records indicate you own and set the infrared sighting laser’s dot on the home-office-grotto-Man-Cave-library of an acquaintance/neighbor of yours, the copywriter Morris Ambien. Obviously, we suggest you do this at night. You can easily discover which house is his with the Bmail AutoKarte Map System.
IMPORTANT: Set the designator carefully on the specified area of the target to minimize any unnecessary damage. And remember:
BEFORE UNHANDLING DEVICE, AND SEEKING IMMEDIATE COVER!!!! READ THIS!!!!
You are required to biometrically (any DNA sample will do) authorize your un-handling of the laser device, after which you will have at least 15 seconds to seek cover.
Please adhere strictly to the timetable attached. REMEMBER: If the XS-29A Onboard Target Reader 1) fails to register activation of the sighting laser 2) at the appointed time ± 120 seconds and 3) a properly infrared-illuminated target is not apparent 4) within two minutes of such activation 5) the Hellfire strike will commence against the laser itself and its operator and 6) you will be blown to smoking, sizzling, bloody bits.
Thanks in Advance for Your Help,
Your New Friends at Bmail
ATTACHED: TLStrikeTimetable.docx 1,100K